Looks like there is a six-cornered tussle or “Race” between all the actors of this film. For everyone one seems to be busy garnering a meaty screen presence by cutting moral corners or nudging each other off the sleeves. The beauties turn up in the slinkiest bib n tucker, each vying for your attention. And if that is not enough, you have Saif’s stubble to catch your eyeballs and Anil’s lovable quirks. The only problem is that the course of this “Race” gives you sudden jerks and sharp turns, and leaves you overtly out-of-breath. For in an attempt to bring on the “twist n turns”, the director swerves the film off the track completely.

If you still want to hear an account of this film, here it is ....in my shytle…

The two brothers - Ranvir (Saif) and Rajeev (Akshay) are in the horse-racing biz (see, that’s the first thread of the RACE connection). The second is the fact that Rajeev is perpetually racing with his brother….trying to unsuccessfully outdo him till he decides to bump him off forever. One such attempt pitchforks Saif into the hospital, and he is pronounced not dead yet. Lo and behold, he bungee jumps out of the hospital to shake a leg or two with his girl friend, Shaina (Bipasha Basu). And there is not even a single bruise mark on his body after an earth-shattering accident. That’s Unbreakable Part 2!

Anyways, Ranvir learns that Rajeev is in love with our sexy siren, and decides to sacrifice his love for bro’s sake. And Rajeev promises to have Complan instead of hard drink as his breakfast menu everyday, after his marriage to Shaina. So the marriage happens and then another story unfolds. Shaina and Ranvir plot to kill the Unbreakable, the second time. But not before he gets to sleep with Bips and groove to a Touch-Me-Touch Me Not number (with Katrina Kaif in tow).

And as part of another convoluted twist, we learn that Shaina is actually on Ranvir’s side. Or not? Because she pushes the latter off a building after bidding a short farewell. And just when the partners in crime are about to pounce on the dead man’s insurance money, Sophiya (Katrina) surfaces claiming to be Ranvir’s wife.

Around the same time, Robert Decosta (Anil Kapoor) and his assistant (Sameera Reddy) enter the fray to investigate into the murder. Because Anil gets all his crime fundas right by munching fruits, his secretary strives to supply a generous amount of all kinda seasonal exotics (bananas, berries, melons, grapes). He names it and she gets it! OK..now coming back to the story….already gone awry…Sophiya recounts how she got married to Ranvir amid all the hip-swinging and shaking in a queer little Cape Town.

However, it turns that Sophiya has been acting on Rajeev’s orders! And that Anil is in cahoots with Rajeev…leaving our poor Bips all alone! But hey wait, Ranvir nows emerges from the ashes and becomes the Dead Man Walking. He jumps, rolls, and pirouettes to save his damsel-in-distress (But wait ..wait…was she not the one who ditched him earlier on?)

Whatever, Ranvir now returns back to bro’s den and challenges him to a race (NO…NOT AGAIN). At this point, some of the deadly secrets are revealed….And bet…you won’t find them half as engrossing as the full-on race that we all started off with.

After the film credits start to roll, a semblance of normalcy comes back to you…you thanks stars for being able to order your brain to go on a roller-coaster ride with no bumps guarantee!!!

PS: And RACE wins the race for being the most disappointing thriller of the year.